Pretty much the only highlight from Xmas came from "Mad Dogg Mary."
As you may remember, Mary and Dick are now in a gang and they take their reputation very seriously, as is proven in the following Christmas Tale...
Each Xmas we head to our friend's house for dinner, laughs, and some inevitable moments that we will surely rehash the next year. This moment is no exception.
There are 3 boys in the family. One of the boys' girlfriend has a kid. She's five. The kid, not the girlfriend.
She's never been a favorite considering last year she said this to one of the other boys "Sorry you didn't get me more presents."
We decided to play Wii. I had never played but apparently Mary is a fucking Wii champion. I have no clue how she's played before. Maybe it's part of her gang life. Seems fitting.
So, Wii bowling it is. Maddogg is up. I'm sitting directly behind her, (realizing where I get my pancake ass from) she motions backward, and as she brings her arm forward, I'm sure for a strike, The 5 year old runs in front, and Mary SMASHES her right in the face/side of the head. HARD. REALLY REALLY HARD. HILARIOUSLY* HARD.
The girl stumbles sideways, I'm surprised she's conscious, and an ottoman saves her from crashing to the floor like a safe.
I am in tears. I am laughing so hard. Outward with my joy. I look at Dick, flinching for fear I will be scolded for laughing. Thankfully, I'm not the only asshole and *he was cracking up too. We're a very sympathetic, compassionate family.
She was okay, but the entire party was laughing, even the girl's mom. I KNOW this wiill(see what I did there?) come up in therapy later on for the little goblin. A group of adults laughing their asses off at you while you tremble with fear and tears stream down your face? On Christmas!? She'll be peddling her ass for meth and male approval in no time (too far?)
At one point later in the night, I heard the girl ask her mom, "Is it safe to get off the couch now?"
On the way home, Maddogg was saying things like "I'm surprised I didn't knock out a tooth." "She'll probably have hearing problems."
So the moral of the Christmas Tale of 08 is: Don't fuck with Mary's Wii bowling score. She'll punch out your lights.
PS: It occured to me, maybe getting smashed with a Wii wand is some kind of initiation into the gang?
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