Madd Dog Mary and Dangerous Dick

Don’t mess with Mary and Dick. Especially during the holidays.
Mary and Dick were out with their friends Laura and Ray on a Friday night in San Jose for a Christmas celebration/event.

But Dick and Mary take the celebration of the Lord as an opportunity to rain havoc on all those who cross them.

As they cruised up to the shopping center, Dick spotted a parking space, so he, Mare and Laura got out to block the space until Ray could swing around and grab it.

As the 3 amigos waited, a dude in a GOLD Mercedes pulled up and said he wanted that space. Even though another spot opened up 2 spots down, he wanted THAT space.

They said no, and he then started inching forward, like he was going to hit them. Things got very heated and intense, with shouting, swearing and pretending hitting with cars, as the standoff continued.

Mary, who gets mad at me if I say “hell” or “jesus” then shouted, “YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE!” (as Mary was telling me this story, she paused and said “Did you hear what I just said? (mouth gaping) I said ASSHOLE!”)

Laura, who is super Christian, shouted at the man, “YOU HAVE THE CHEAPEST MERCEDES THERE IS! IT’S A LOW END MERCEDES!”

People in the parking structure were honking and yelling and cheering them on.
Ray finally found another spot, and came over to join the sit in. As he came over, Dick said to him, “Whatever you do don’t touch his car, they can get you if you mess up his car.”

Yelling and intimidation and intensity continued until Ray finally told everyone to cool down and just walk away. They all agreed and as they walked away Dick went to the driver’s side window and wanted to tell the guy “Merry fuckin’ Christmas.” When he didn’t roll it down, and heeding his own advice, Dick PUNCHED his window.

My parents told me this story like they had just robbed a bank and gotten away with it. My dad’s had was swollen and Mary was walking around the streets of San Francisco with swagger. Like “Get the fuck outta my way, I said asshole this weekend AND stood up to a man for taking away my parking rights!”

She also was wearing red mittens that looked like boxing gloves.

My parents are in a gang. A geriatric gang that will fuck with you if you do immoral things like try to take their parking spot. Or if you don't hold the door for them, or for jaywalking, or for cutting them off ( while talking or driving).

This seriously happened.