Right Back Atcha, Mare!

A few weeks ago, I finally convinced my parents to get high speed internet. I couldn't take the dial-up anymore.

Mary just about lost her marbles when I told her she didn't need to pay for AOL to get on the internet anymore. My dad nodded in agreement, like he always knew, even though they've been paying 30 bucks a month to AOL for like 10 years.

Amazingly, having wireless internet in the house leads my mom to believe that she now has the power of the internet where ever she goes. Like to the mall, or to get her oil changed, or while walking the dog. She thinks because she's paid for internet in THE HOUSE, it follows her and she should be able to CHECK HER EMAIL anywhere.

She brought along her laptop to the mall and thinks that while she's there, she can hook onto our network, AT HOME. IN SUNNY G. I can just imagine her in Sears, trying to get a signal...

All she does is check her email, that's it. That's all the internet is to her. Mail from the future. Future Mail. I didn't tell her differently, that she'd be out of our network range, I'll let her learn the hard way.

Like the time she let me learn the hard way and bought VO5 hot oil, microwaved that shit and tried it out on my scalp before hers!

It was like that feeling you get when you wash your hair with LAVA, ya know what I'm talking about? Oh you don't? Because your mom never abused you with product? I still have burn scars from that! I looked like DJ AM (too early?)

Wait till Mary finds out about blackberries! It will be like showing a caveman a Big Mac. (I mean not only because of the not having to personally kill your food, but because they don't know what special sauce is and it would probably be really good to their ancient taste buds)


PS the box says "reduces frizz." That's the most honest adversiting yet, you're lucky if you can grow hair again.