Bored Games

My friend is reluctantly on Match.com. I think she's on there just to be reminded as to why she doesn't date these dudes, but also for the incredibly absurd emails she gets.

She received one today and asked me to write the response.

Here’s the dudes email:

so yeah, fun and stuff. i'm also into that sort of thing. perhaps we should get together at some point and invent a new board game with human-sized pieces?

- John

Here's what I wrote, and she sent it:

Dear “John”

When you say board games, what exactly do you mean? Like connect 4? Because I know a few people who look sorta like checkers, so this could really work out great. Its rare to find someone who likes fun and laughter, so we should probably get together asap. We’re like a dying breed. Its like we’re the last 2 dinos on earth and if we don’t hook up, fun and laughterosaurous will be extinct forever.

But seriously, I’m down to get together and chat about origami, sewing and popsicle houses.

- Jane

Its a match.com made in popsicle heaven. I think I may have found a new job.


KSiloveyou: Below is the first version that she vetoed:
Dear “John”

When you say board games, what exactly do you mean? Like connect 4? Because I know a few people who look sorta like checkers, so this could really work out great. Maybe we have our next bay to breakers costumes? I don’t know, I’m just riffing here, going straight off the top of my head. I tend to do that a lot. It’s a part of my daily ritual, it helps me deal with any changes or unexpected events that life throws at me, you know, like pregnancy or Michael Jackson’s death.

I really liked your email, but I’m not sure if I completely get it or if you’re just some sewer rat trying to get a piece of cheese. Either way, sure, you can buy me a few drinks.

You have a beard in some pictures and are clean shaven in others. What am I supposed to believe “John?” Which one’s the real you? Or do you have a twin and you guys like to play games with girl's hearts? Sicko.

Talk to you soon!
-Jane