Scary Mary

Yesterday, while on the train home, the dude next to me had a case of the sleep jumpies. Ya know, when you fall asleep then awkwardly jolt awake. Well, this fucker did it 9 times!! I counted.

I had already had too much coffee and Jumpy Jenkins next to me wasn't helping. The first time he sleep jumped, he violently leaped like 3 feet in the air and scared the shit out of me. My immediate reaction was to punch him in the face, almost like a gargoyle just appeared over my left shoulder. For example:

With my nerves shot from Jack I nap like a dog Jolter, I got home, pulled my car into the garage and headed toward the house. As soon as I got to the door, Mary POPS out at me, from the bushes, yelling, "AHHHHHH!" Which forces me to jump and subsequently yell "AHHHH!"

"Jesus, mom! That scared me. For the 10th time today."

"Welcome home!"