Nuts

THAT is Mary's crazy new "pet." She named the crazy bastard that's hanging on the screen and DEMANDING peanuts, Happy and his apprentice in background, Sunshine.

She feeds them when they come around and she has now attracted this blue jay who is her arch nemesis. When she sees him, she PELTS him with peanuts. Shouting, "Oh, you rat bag! Get away blue jay!" as she CHUCKS more peanuts at him. Of course, this is why the 'rat bag' returns. Everytime he shows up, it rains peanuts.

Happy and Sunshine are completely unruly and I'm afraid they are going to eat my eyeballs out of my skull one day. I hear them in the morning violently leaping onto the screen door to get Mary's attention and food.

I'm pretty positive they would walk in and make themselves a sandwich if she left the door open. [editors note: Imagining squirrels getting a plate and opening bread, then using a knife to spread peanut butter on the bread is making me preeeeeeetty happy right now. HAPPY.]

Mary also has hummingbird feeders and when she sees a hummingbird, she shouts "There's a hummer!" I think my dad gets a lil excited everytime.

The house has turned into an animal kingdom, she's like Snow effing White but with a horrible voice and more jazz hands.