Tales O' the Odyssey

This morning I had to drive to the BART station with my mom because she needed the car.

I drove because we were going to be late and my mom is pretty much terrified of driving. She thinks that danger, brick walls and belligerent drivers are looming around every corner and ready to strike at every intersection.

This is literally the conversation that happened. Let me set the incredible scene:

I head down the street and make a right, my mom is holding TEA in a huge mug and its splashing around. This makes for distracted and nervous driving, because the last thing I want to do is scald the woman from whose loins I sprung.

"Karen, a police officer will pull you over if you don't have your seat belt on!"

"Mom, my seat belt is on, what the hell are u talking about?"

She looks down, relieved, "Oh. And dont swear."

Just then a cop rounds the corner and Mary gasps, "Uhhhh Ohhh!"

Nothing happened. I wasn't speeding, he wasn't after anyone, but she gasped anyway.

Mare then holds the tea away from her body, a little annoyed at my driving the speed limit.

"Mom, I'm gonna have to speed, sorry, but I can't be late. Why did you bring tea anyway, are you trying to provoke me into burning you?"

"It's lukewarm." she dryly says. (which leads me to believe that maybe she thought I would try to scold her, so she made sure the water wasn't hot)

After a few moments, Mary breaks the silence, "I wish I could take Shadow into stores with me."

Me in my head: OH MY GOD! I have to blog about this!

Silence.

I stop at a red light. It turns green, I step on the gas, creeping along behind the guy in front of me. Mary grabs the handle above her head.

"See, THIS is what I'm afraid of, tailgating. If he slams on his brakes..."

I say nothing, just trying to remember all the amazing things she's been spewing from her psyche.

Phew! It was really intense and babblingly crazy but we safely got to the Bart station....without dying or 3rd degree burns.